Person looking worried


Speaking Our Truth Can Be Hard!

26th June 2019

I've been practising speaking & honouring my truth - even more than usual!

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It is a terrifying yet exhilarating practice - a bit like the fear/excitement you get on a rollercoaster!

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The sense of liberation is amazing! Today was a great example...

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A friend who I love spending time with & who lives out of town, asked to stay at my place. Usually I'd be delighted but on the night they asked I have a lover staying who I very rarely get to see. What to do??

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I wanted my friend to feel welcome yet I wanted the flat to myself so my lover and I could have time together.

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Argghh!! I felt torn...

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I didn't want my friend to feel rejected, so the first message I wrote said they could stay...but there was a feeling in my gut that I was betraying myself. So I cancelled that message and got brave!

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I started with "I love you, I love spending time with you & it's a delight to have you stay with me...."

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Then I said: "and I'm scared that what I'm about to say will hurt you or make you feel rejected..."

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Then I spoke my truth: "but I have a lover staying that night & I really want the flat just for us as we rarely get to see each other..."

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I ended with "I hope that feels ok for you to hear & please know there is always a bed here for you if you get stuck".

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And the response I got...?

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Laughter and a joyful: "Absolutely fine, babe! I'm sure there are others I can stay with. Thanks for being in your truth with me".

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Phew!!!! 😯😯 That was scary to do but WOW! So amazing to honour myself & what felt important to me!!! 🎉

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I practise these tough conversations a lot & I coach people on this too, but it's always scary. It's scary because we care about not hurting the other person. But, as you can see, there are ways to express our truth WITHOUT hurting the other.

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STEPS FOR A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION

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1) Drop into your heart. Start by saying how much you care about this person / the situation.

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2) Then state your fear - what are you afraid might happen?

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3) Then share what's true for you. Keep it about yourself rather then the other. State your want or need.

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4) Then close with kindness...say you hope they can receive your words with love and remind them that they matter to you, that they are important.

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Then you're done!

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Know that if you say it with love and you are really in your truth, any reaction they have is about THEM and not about you.

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This is what we call integrity. If you have opened your heart and spoke it's contents, you are in integrity and you have done your best. Know that is enough 💖

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And if you would benefit from one-to-one coaching on this, send me a message 💕🎉💕