Not Being Able To Feel My Pain

Tuesday, 25 December 2018

When I felt hurt or stressed, I used to be a "fireball" ...someone who would "spit fire" and emotionally "burn" anyone in my way.

I would push people away, blame them, shame them, make them wrong...all so I didn't have to feel my pain.

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I would raise my voice, exhibit aggressive energy and create big fat energetic barriers around me to stop any more pain coming in. It was all I could do to survive.


You see, I wasn't taught about expressing emotions responsibly as a child (very few of us were!) and the adult models in my life were not taught those things either, so we all pushed emotions down or away and did our best not to feel.


Unfortunately, with this model of (lack of) emotional hygiene, when big things happen to us, we push them down and hold them in and try to pretend that we're ok.. but we're not.

Holding in the emotions of every time we got hurt or something bad happened, creates chaos in our body. We become like a volcano ready to erupt.


I was already holding so much pushed-down hurt inside, that every time I made a mistake or feared I was wrong, the pain was too great and I had to push it away...make someone else wrong, blame them or get angry. I just didn't have capacity to feel any more hurt. So... I became a fireball.

Life as a fireball isn't fun. Constantly trying to put out fires and clear up the mess. I wrecked a lot of friendships and relationships. And I hated myself as a result.

If you recognise similar behaviours in yourself, there is hope..!

I am no longer a fireball 😊 I learned to feel my emotions, express myself and to develop "healthy" emotional hygiene habits...a bit like brushing your teeth for oral hygiene, I now practise emotional release for emotional hygiene.

I teach these and other skills in my one-to-one sessions. They help you feel healthier, happier and more fulfilled in life. My passion is to empower you to live the fullest, more amazing life you can have!

If you'd like to book in with me, I'm offering 20% off packages paid for by 31st December.

If you're serious about making positive change, message me πŸ’•

Our Blog

An ongoing series of informational entries

Honesty Is Soo Refreshing!

Tuesday, 30 October 2018

I love how refreshing honesty feels!


There are a couple of people I'm attracted to and desiring to get to know better and, this week, I've just been straight-forward honest and told them.


Rather than beating around the bush and pretending I don't feel anything, I said to them: I'd love to spend time with you and get to know you better. Would you like to make a date do that?


Both of them said yes 😊


It feel so good to not hide! To not play games and not sit around waiting, "hoping" for them to approach me.

There's a fine line between chasing people who don't see your value and knowing your value, owning it and having the confidence to ask for what you want.


If you'd like to grow your confidence in these areas, send me message - I have a few appointments still available in November πŸ’–

Are You Listening To All Decision Centres?

Friday, 7 December 2018

We have FOUR decision centres in our bodies - not just our head!

They are...our mind, our heart, our emotions and our physical body / genitals.


* Who recognises having made decisions from our head?

* Who recognises having made decisions from our heart?

* And who recognises making decisions from our genitals..?

* What about from our emotions?


Maybe you can see you make decisions more from one of these power centres than the others...

How often are all 4 in agreement???


ISTA - International School of Temple Arts teaches about these decisions centres and the importance of listening to all 4 when we make a decision.


I recently found myself in a situation where my heart and genitals wanted to proceed with an intimate encounter, yet something didn't feel right.


I couldn't put my finger on what it was, I could just feel that some very small part of me felt hesitant.


My head didn't know who to listen to... heart and sex? Or emotional body? 2 against 1....surely majority wins, right??


Well, that would have been my old pattern... To go with how the majority of me felt... in this case, to proceed and ignore the part of me that was scared.


And many thoughts went through my head...


What will they think of me if I stop this? Will they feel rejected? Will I be rejected? What if this opportunity never happens again and I miss out?


It would have been sooo easy to just go with the flow and ignore that small, very quiet niggle that said "But...I'm not sure..."


It took every ounce of courage to change that pattern and say "Can we slow down? Something doesn't feel right"...


And we did slow down...and still the niggle didn't go away...


Do I ignore it? Do I just go along with it?


FUCK, NO.


Does my partner want to have sex with someone who isn't a "hell yes" to it? Does my partner want to later find out a part of me wasn't really ok with it?


NO, THEY DO NOT!!!


So, I honoured it...


"Actually, can we pause? A part of me feels scared and it feels important to acknowledge that".


So we paused and just cuddled.


Actually, I used that pause to then bring up the ISTA safer sex 'elevator speech', so that we could both get clear on what this interaction meant to us, what our boundaries were, express any fears, our desires and also when we last had an STI check up.


And...after that?


My niggle went away 😊


It felt heard. It felt seen. It felt important and acknowledged. And then it felt comfortable πŸ™πŸΌπŸ’–πŸ™πŸΌ