Hi, I'm Natalie Ford!

...Have you ever had 'bad' sex?

When I first started having sex - like many of us - I had no idea what I was doing! I wanted to connect to my partner and to feel loved by them - but I didn't know how my body worked, what it needed or how to tell if it was ready for sex.

I knew that sometimes my vagina was more lubricated than others and that sometimes sex was more enjoyable than other times, but - a lot of the time - sex, for me, felt dry and uncomfortable - and occasionally really painful.

I didn't want to ruin my partner's enjoyment or worry him, so I didn't say anything. And, as sex got more and more uncomfortable, I disconnected from my body more and more to cope with it. By 'disconnected' I mean, I would think of other things - I used to plan what I needed to buy in the supermarket!

Have you ever just willed your partner to orgasm, so the sex would be over?

I used to long for my partner to climax, so the pain would stop and I could feel good believing I'd been a "good" girlfriend.

Over time, my orgasms became more and more stunted - like a sudden, powerful eruption that was over in a nanosecond. And often - rather than being enjoyable - they were slightly painful and I couldn't have anything touch my genitals afterwards because it felt too intense.

I thought it was normal for my clit to be painful after orgasm - it turns out, it isn't!

For me, reaching orgasm was hard. I had to really concentrate and will it to happen! And it was so easy for my partner to get the touch slightly wrong and suddenly all the build up was gone. It was deeply frustrating, embarrassing and left me feeling ashamed of my body.

My partner would go down to pleasure me and I felt this huge pressure. Sex had become goal-oriented and was a bit like mutual masturbation rather than a deep, connected merging of souls.

How It All Changed

Ultimately, I wasn't connected to me. I didn't know how to feel. I had never learned to feel my feelings, my family rather just stuffed them down and pretended we were OK. But this was the beginning of the problem...

My emotions were so stuffed down, energy couldn't move in my body and I dare not drop into my body to feel my full pleasure, because to do that I would also have to feel all that pain I suppressed too and I had become a master at distracting from that!

#1: I had to feel & express my emotions.

However, the only way out is through... I did have to go and feel all those emotions and I won't lie, it was hard.

I chose a therapist I felt safe with who gently helped me open up and supported me to feel. I cried an ocean but each time I did it, I felt lighter - something shifted in me and my inner being knew this was what I needed.

As I did this, I started to feel more relaxed - less uptight. And I was able to start connecting more with my body. I started going to tantra classes to learn about chakras, meditation and sexuality. They taught me to celebrate my body and not feel shame around sex. I learned about all the different places we can orgasm from and started a lot of home practice to experiment and find them!

#2: I started to connect more with my body & get to know my yoni

What's a yoni? ]

I realised I couldn't feel all that much and so had some yoni massages to help re-awaken my yoni. It took time, there was a lot of armour in the whole of my body from years of suppressed emotion. I had to continue releasing emotion and have yoni de-armouring sessions to help all this move.

Gradually, I started to feel more and more sensation in my yoni and I could find all these pleasure spots my tantra teachers were telling me about! šŸŽ‰

I discovered that vibrating dildos would cause more armour and de-sensitise my nerves, so I ditched the firm, battery-powered ones and bought myself a gorgeous soft dildo made with material that feels like real skin! (From Ann Summers if you want to get one too) It has no batteries, just a suction pad on the bottom, meaning I can stick it places - which is great for not only pleasure but further helping me to de-armour parts of my yoni that feel sore or numb.

As I started to open more pleasure in my body and could experience pleasure by myself, I noticed that my body still froze and I found it hard to relax with lovers. This is because I didn't have the communication skills to say what did and didn't feel ok for me. I didn't know about boundaries and consent.

#3: I learned about consent & that tolerating meant I was out of consent with myself!

Learning the Wheel of Consent was a huge game-changer for me. That 'ah-ha' moment when I realised I had spent most of my life out of consent (with myself and others) was life-changing. I think I almost crumpled under the guilt and shame.

I cried a lot and felt really angry for all the times I hadn't been able to protect my body or ask for what I needed. All the times I had sacrificed my needs to keep another happy and for me to stay 'safe' and 'loved'.

The tools I learn at International School of Temple Arts (ISTA) helped change my life dramatically - so much so that I took their practitioner training and now teach them in my Stress Buster class!

From there, I had to learn how to articulate my need and my boundaries to partners in ways that they could hear me and not cause them to feel bad. And this remains an ongoing exploration, which I'm really passionate about and often support people with in my video coaching.

Where I'm At Now

Finally, with these 3 changes and a lot of practice, I'm delighted to say that I really enjoy sex again!

In fact, its one of my favourite things to do and I consciously choose partners who are good at controlling their ejaculation so we can make love for 3-4 hours šŸ˜ (and then I get hungry and need to eat!)

I feel so confident in my body and many of my friends hail me as someone who has a great relationship to their body and inner world - which is a huge compliment given where I started from!

Expressing my emotions and honouring what my body needs, are my absolute highest priority when in an intimate connection. And learning to communicate those things to a lover so we can deepen in intimacy and explore that merging-of-soul type love-making is my passion ā™„

In my Sexual Awakening For Women programme, I now support women to take similar journeys for themselves. Click the button below or reply to this email if you want to explore that with me ā™„

Sexual Awakening For Women

Qualifications & Skills

If you are someone who likes to know about qualifications and skills, I get it. I used to be a software developer in finance! I know about being thorough. Here are the main skills I draw upon:

  • Feb 2013 - Jul 2016: learned Self Love & Self Acceptance at Teresa Corso Existential Counselling
  • Mar 2015 - Jun 2018: studied Intensive Tantra at Tara Yoga Centre
  • Nov 2015 - Oct 2017: learned Conscious Relating & Self Love at What Evolved Women Want
  • Oct 2016 - Jan 2018: completed three ISTA Level 1 (Spiritual Sexual Shamanic Experience) trainings with International School of Temple Arts
  • Apr 2018 - Aug 2018: graduated ISTA PT (Sacred Sexuality Practitioner Training) with International School of Temple Arts
  • May 2018: completed ISTA Level 2 (Spiritual Sexual Shamanic Initiation) training 2018 with International School of Temple Art

  • Jul - Oct 2018: Assisting and learning from some amazing facilitators of Shamanic, Sexual, Spiritual and Earth modalities
  • Oct 2018: Shamanic Womb Journey - with Janine Ma-Ree
  • Oct 2018: Women Who See In The Dark (masculine shadow awareness training) - with Komala Lyra & Araminta Barbour
  • Nov 2018: Introduction to Psychosexual SomaticsĀ® Therapy
  • Feb 2019: Shadow WorkĀ® Basic Facilitator training
  • Mar 2019: Shamanic BreathworkĀ® Facilitator training - with founder Linda Star Wolf
  • May 2019: Basic De-ArmouringĀ® Training
  • Nov 2019: Shadow WorkĀ® Advanced Facilitator training
  • Jan 2020: ClearMind The Awakening (relational wounding workshop)

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